How to Give Bad Feedback Without Being a Jerk
"Put a slice of praise on the top and the bottom, and stick the meat of your criticism in between"
This seems to be the first bit of advice anyone will ever give you if when you tell them that you're going to have to give someone bad news, and why not it makes a lot of sense, by starting off your feedback with something positive it gives the person receiving the feedback a good feeling and makes them want to listen to what you have to say, nobody wants to just hear what they're doing wrong so by giving them a little morale boost, most people are much more willing to listen to criticism.
And then by giving people another compliment after they receive some negative feedback it leaves them feeling less bad about things, it's much more likely they will listen and really hear what you've had to say and will try to take things on board because while people don't like to be criticized, people generally do understand that things aren't always perfect and that improvement isn't a negative thing.
“I’m giving you these comments because I have very high expectations and I know that you can reach them.”
This is an idea i've never thought about but this seems like amazing advice for combating problem 1 mentioned in the text, that people brace themselves for a negative and only see it as you giving them a false positive.
By giving someone praise, rather than a compliment it lets them know you're genuinely trying to help them improve, rather than giving them unwanted criticism.
I find the second bit of advice very beneficial in my daily life, when you take yourself off a pedestal and let the person you're giving feedback to know that you're not perfect either it makes your advice seem much more helpful because people can learn from others mistakes and teaching others is usually appreciated.
I agree with the 3rd piece of advice as i think there are quite alot of people who just don't want feedback and in general it should be assumed that people don't want feedback from just anyone. i think it should be much more normalized to ask people if they want advice or opinions, rather than to just give people unwanted advice.
“I have some negative feedback to give you. I’ll start with some positive feedback to relax you, and then give you the negative feedback, which is the real purpose of our meeting. I’ll end with more positive feedback so you won’t be so disappointed or angry at me when you leave my office.”
I personally would like to receive advice or feedback this way the most, it may not be for everyone as some people do definitely prefer sugarcoating but i personally much prefer a direct and straightforward approach and would rather be able to mentally prepare myself for something negative to be said about me.
Why Do So Many Managers Avoid Giving Praise?
"we asked whether they believed that giving negative feedback was stressful or difficult, and 44% agreed"
I found this statistic fascinating as i would have assumed that it would have either have been a very low percentage or a very high percentage as I would have thought that someone in a managerial position would have the job because they would have been seen as capable of keeping a workplace in order, and by that logic most would have no issue giving their employees feedback, be that positive or negative. otherwise i would have assumed that people in managerial positions would have been chosen because they are friendly and able to make a good impression on their managers, working their way up the food chain, but this kind of friendliness would probably mean they would find it harder to give people negative feedback. I suppose this statistic suggests that its close enough to a 50/50 split.
"We can only conclude that many managers feel that it’s their job to tell their direct reports bad news and correct them when they make a mistake, but that taking the time to provide positive feedback is optional." I believe that this is how things are done in many workplaces, leaving many employees who do work hard feeling hard done by their employers, not acknowledging their effort while worse employees don't try improve themselves when they only hear negative feedback and begin to just blame their manager and make excuses for why they aren't fulfilling their potential.
The statistics show that managers are more effective when they give honest, genuine praise to employees because when people feel appreciated they are much less likely to lazy at work and in general are more productive.
"Maybe they are emulating their prior bosses who gave little praise, but who pointed out any mistake or weakness"
I believe this could be a major cause of managers not giving their employees praise as it seems to have become normalized in the media that managers have to be uncaring for their employees feelings and have to solely care about money and the businesses image.
"Giving positive feedback shows your direct reports that you are in their corner, and that you want them to win and to succeed"
I think this is a good take-away as with the other article, both seem to agree that if you want someone to value and listen to your advice, you have to want them to succeed and they have to believe you too.
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